Doug. Doug was born hungry. Literally. I could not feed him enough to keep him content for longer than 1-2 hours. Doug is the oldest with 2 siblings; each approximately 2 years apart. I nursed all three of them, but Doug for the shortest amount of time – only 6 months. I believe it was because I was exhausted from trying to keep him nourished. You see, if I wasn’t quick enough, he would scream. Loudly. We lived in a small home with a very small yard when he was born; you know, where you can practically pass the salt to your neighbor through the window. The neighbors used to yell to me from their home to see if we were ok. After a while, they learned that was just Doug. The screaming continued, for a long time, until he learned to talk.
The hunger was just the beginning – that intensity was a part of all things Doug did growing up. He was intense and skilled at just about everything he tried. He is a phenomenal athlete. He could have excelled at any sport he wanted, but he fell in love with rugby. He started around junior high school and played through college – a captain for many years and eventually president of his college team. I know he loved the game, but I think he also loved that the rules were loose, the play was rough, and those who played really didn’t care what anyone else thought of them – they all just wanted to hit and play rugby. As good as he was at rugby, and he was good, it’s not what Doug wanted to pursue long-term. He didn’t want to use rugby to launch him into that next path in life. At one point, I tried to help without Doug’s knowledge when he wanted to get into UC Berkley. I reached out to the rugby coach, Jack Clark, and tried to help Doug get accepted by touting his rugby skills. When Doug found out he was furious with me, which I now get. He wanted to succeed based on what is most important to him – the continual seeking of knowledge – specifically; organic chemistry. Doug didn’t want his athletics to be his leg up, and he didn’t want rugby to come before his thirst for learning.
Doug took up a lot of space in our home. He was the oldest, yes, but he was also extremely physical and could talk his way into or out of anything he wanted. I thought he should be a lawyer. His brother and sister thought he would be better suited for a more physical/aggressive occupation. I now hear stories of the fights, both verbal and physical, always with Doug landing in the winners seat. We were all wrong.
In talking with Doug today, a part of him always knew he would be doing chemistry research. Yes, that is what Doug is doing today – the study of polymer materials for the use in biological applications at UCLA as a part of his PhD program. He is in the lab 60-80 hours, 7 days a week and he loves it. He no longer needs to exert his aggression verbally or physically. He channels all of that energy into his research. We just took a flight out to spend time with Doug near his home in Los Angeles. We scooped him up (ok, he picked us up at the airport) and we all spent close to a week in a cabin in Topanga Canyon – one of the most beautiful places on earth.
His dad, Doug, and I stayed in a cozy cabin tucked back into the canyon – completely private and removed from the rest of the world. The views of the canyon landscape were easily seen through the walls made of windows. There was a unique fireplace with mesmerizing flames that provided both warmth and ambiance. We could simply enjoy the quiet that is a part of the location, allowing us to completely unplug and hear the sounds from the canyon – birds chirping, peacock noises, and wind rustling. Or, we could use the wonderful bluetooth system to enjoy our favorite music or books on tape. We did both. The space was filled with hygge comforts – warm blankets, teak furniture (with super comfy cushions) and plenty of pillows. The kitchen was stocked with quality appliances, copper pots, cast iron skillets, a fabulous toaster (seriously, a weird thing to mention – but it was the best!), and a Nespresso machine that provided us with the most amazing cappuccinos every morning! Natural light filled the space with stunning rays that cast the most beautiful patterns on the floor of the cabin throughout the day. Proximity to the hiking trails was a huge bonus for us. We loved spending time hiking throughout the canyon, taking in the incredible views, and tiring us out for evenings spent in the cabin. We chose to cook homemade meals most nights and the cabin was filled with yummy smells of fabulous food. The experience was about being in the company of those we love, shielded from the outside world and just enjoying time spent reconnecting. It brought back childhood feelings of safety, love, warmth, and happiness. A hygge kind of happiness.
It is during this time spent in the canyon that Doug mentioned he always knew he was going to do what he is doing today – chemistry research. He said that every questionnaire at the end of every class he took asked how the class could have been better. He would always answer that the class needed a more hands on approach. He needed to be doing – not sitting and listening or watching. His life is about learning through the act of doing. He always had the energy, the drive, the thirst to know more – he just didn’t know (or wasn’t give the opportunity) to channel that into what he was meant to do, until now. I remember asking Doug, “what is your favorite part about college”, during his first year. His answer was “learning”. Well, he is doing that now and living his dream. Who knows where the road will take him next. Although, I do believe this brilliant man has a pretty good idea.
So, there’s this boy. He kind of stole my heart. He calls me “mom”.
This is very beautiful in so many ways!